This past year has been one of the most challenging and also most interesting 365 days I’ve ever experienced. Never in my life have I felt as uprooted and ungrounded than during this entire year. When I look back, I wonder how much of my time I really spent in my body. Fully conscious of my physical being, listening to its symptoms and nourishing it to the fullest. Being the most authentic version of yourself also requires you to be deeply honest with yourself. I was trying to be the things and put on the roles I simply could not be - having outgrown these ideas, concepts and beings a long time ago without even realizing it yet.
For a good amount of time, I was trying to be someone I simply couldn’t fulfill - at least not in a linear reality. This lead to not leaving enough room into evolving who I was to become instead. I was afraid of showing my true self, my most vibrant colors - because most of the time it wouldn’t fit inside that small box other people had made out for me (and ultimately themselves) long before they even met me.
At one point, I was listening to other people’s guidance more than my own intuition, until my own voice was almost completely buried and drowned in self-doubt and mental starvation. I was seeking so much outside validation until my inside became completely lost. I was comparing myself to so many others in any way possible and realized that my own light was being dimmed in the process. Living in the shadows of this leaves almost no space for shining your own light brightly. 2018 revealed so much to me. Things I never wanted to deal with until they were literally thrown into my face to finally be dealt with. It probably wasn’t until a month ago that the light finally started shining through. And as I am still figuring out this path going forward (as we ALL are) I started to realize that NOTHING comes overnight. You don’t just wake up to be who you finally want to be.
So here I am - fully rooted in where I want to go and taking my POWER back.
